How Believing in Your Worthiness Can Help Your Maladaptive Perfectionism and Imposter Syndrome
"I’m tired of being good. Tired of asking for permission. Tired of filtering myself down to what is most palatable. What would it feel like to belong to myself instead?"
— an entry from my own journal about sovereignty
Have you ever felt like no matter how much you achieve, it’s never quite enough? Or that if people really knew you, they’d find out you’re not as competent as you seem? These are the hallmark experiences of maladaptive perfectionism and imposter syndrome — a toxic duo that robs countless high-achieving individuals of peace, presence, and joy.
I know how easy it is to chase the next shiny fix. Whether that’s a new productivity hack, a self-help method, or even a breakthrough therapy approach. But what if the antidote isn’t found in those things? What if it’s found in something deeper and more radical?
Enter: Sovereignty.
I love talking about sovereignty in my practice. And how believing in your own sovereignty — your inherent right to self-govern, self-define, and trust your inner wisdom — can be a profound shift for those caught in perfectionistic striving or feeling like a fraud. In this blog, we’ll explore how this internal belief in your wholeness and agency can disrupt perfectionism’s power and soften the sting of imposter syndrome.
What is Sovereignty (really), and how do we talk about it in therapy?
You might hear the word sovereignty and think, wait… so I have to start like, ruling over people? Not quite. Sovereignty isn’t about being powerful or in control all the time. It’s about knowing you have the right to be the author of your own life. It means trusting your inner compass more than the noise around you. It’s self-leadership, self-trust and self-respect.
I know how hard it can be to tune out the noise around you. I can’t tell you how often I myself get caught in this trap, even as a therapist. I find myself scrolling social media and seeing thousands of other therapists who seem to have “figured it out” and who are doing things better than me. I can quickly start to think, “Shoot… maybe I should learn more about what they’re doing. Maybe I’m not doing enough for my clients and the modalities I’m using aren’t enough.”
I know I’m not alone in experiences like these.
So in a world that constantly tells you who to be, how to act, and what success should look like, sovereignty is your way of saying: “I get to decide.”
It’s not a rejection of connection or community, it’s a rooting into yourself so you can meet others as your full, authentic self, not as a role you’ve been conditioned to play.
A Therapeutic Lens of Maladaptive Perfectionism: The Inner Critic’s Playground
Perfectionism isn't inherently bad! You might be surprised to hear that. Adaptive perfectionism can drive excellence and attention to detail. But maladaptive perfectionism is different. It's rigid, fear-based, and performance-oriented. Maladaptive perfectionism sounds like:
“You can’t mess up.”
“They’ll only love you if you succeed.”
“If you stop achieving/producing, you’ll be nothing.”
This mindset breeds chronic stress, burnout, disconnection from self and others, and a deep fear of failure. It keeps you chasing an ideal version of yourself that never quite arrives.
You don’t have to get rid of your perfectionism and high achieving. You can keep these wonderful, magical qualities! But just remember that what perfectionism needs isn’t more effort. Rather, it needs inner safety. And sovereignty creates that safety from within.
Imposter Syndrome: The Fragile Mask of Achievement and Reconnecting Through Therapy
Imposter syndrome is that sinking feeling that you’ve tricked everyone into thinking you’re smarter or more capable than you really are. You fear being “found out,” even in the face of overwhelming evidence of your competence.
Ironically, imposter syndrome often affects the most capable and conscientious people— people who you would never guess struggle with belief in their competence. Imposter syndrome also tends to affect those who’ve had to navigate systems where their identity or voice hasn’t been reflected or affirmed.
When you're disconnected from your sovereignty, you’re constantly outsourcing your sense of worth to how others see you. But when you’re anchored in your own sovereignty? You don’t need to feel like you belong in order to know that you do.
Where Sovereignty Meets Healing: In Your Therapist’s Office
Here’s how reclaiming your sovereignty helps untangle the grip of perfectionism and imposter syndrome:
1. Self-Trust Over Self-Doubt
Sovereignty allows you to trust your decisions, your process, and your limits, even when it’s messy. Instead of overpreparing or endlessly seeking reassurance, you begin to honor your own inner authority.
“I know I did my best, and that’s enough.”
“I get to rest without earning it.”
“I can choose how I define success.”
2. Wholeness Over Worthiness
Perfectionism often stems from a deep sense of “not enough.” Sovereignty says, “I was never meant to never mess up to be worthy.”
Your worth is not a prize to be won; it’s an inherent truth to remember.
This shift moves you from performing for approval to showing up as yourself, with space to learn, grow, make mistakes, and still belong.
3. Agency Over Approval
When you believe in your sovereignty, you begin to recognize how much of your life may have been lived for the approval of others—parents, partners, institutions, bosses.
Suddenly, you start asking different questions:
“Do I want this?”
“What matters to me?”
“Where have I been abandoning myself to be liked or seen as successful?”
This self-inquiry can feel both terrifying and exhilarating. And it’s often the doorway to liberation.
The Nervous System’s Role and Why We Soothe the Nervous System in Counseling
Believing in your sovereignty isn’t just a mindset shift, it’s also a somatic experience. If your nervous system has been wired to associate worth with performance or approval, it takes more than mantras to change that.
Practices like:
Polyvagal-informed therapy
Internal Family Systems (IFS) to connect with protective parts
EMDR to heal the roots of trauma
Embodiment and breathwork to create felt safety
...all help you reconnect to a deeper truth within you. This truth is that you are safe to be yourself. That you don’t have to earn rest, love, or belonging.
In essence, they help your body feel what your mind is starting to believe: “I’m allowed to be here, as I am.”
What Keeps Us From Believing We’re Sovereign?
Let’s name it: This isn’t easy.
Especially for those who grew up in environments where:
Love was conditional
Achievement was survival
Individuality was punished
Failure wasn’t safe
Trauma disrupted your connection to self
In these cases, perfectionism and imposter syndrome aren’t random; they’re brilliant adaptations that kept you protected. But now you get to ask: Is this still serving me?
Believing in your sovereignty can bring up grief. You may grieve the years you spent disconnected from yourself. But it also brings freedom. Freedom to begin again with new rules. Rules that are rooted in compassion instead of control.
Practical Ways to Reclaim Your Sovereignty
✦ Name the Pattern
Begin by noticing:
Where do I feel like I have to prove myself?
Where do I abandon myself to be liked, safe, or impressive?
I distinctly remember a time where I found myself telling a friend I didn’t like a book that I actually really liked, just because she didn’t like the book. She called me out and said, “Wait, I thought you really liked that book?” I was so embarrassed and felt it was too far gone to admit that I really did, in fact, like it.
✦ Reconnect with Inner Authority
Ask yourself:
What does my voice sound like when no one else is watching?
What do I need right now?
What would I choose if I weren’t afraid of disappointing anyone?
✦ Rehearse Sovereign Self-Talk
Try these affirmations (or create your own):
“I am not here to be perfect. I’m here to be whole.”
“I can trust myself to handle what comes.”
“I define success on my terms.”
“Rest is my birthright, not a reward.”
✦ Repair What Needs Healing
Get support! Therapy, coaching, somatic work, safe relationships… anything that helps you gently reclaim the parts of you that learned they weren’t enough unless they performed.
The Ripple Effect of Sovereignty
When you believe in your sovereignty, you stop needing others to validate your worth. And ironically, that’s when your most magnetic, honest, and powerful self begins to emerge.
When you believe in your own worthiness, you start to:
Take risks that matter to you
Set boundaries with more ease
Celebrate your efforts (not just your outcomes)
Trust your intuition
Allow joy without waiting for the other shoe to drop
You become less reactive and more rooted. Less performative and more present. You stop asking, “What do they think of me?” and start wondering, “What do I think of this?”
And let me remind you, that’s not arrogance. That’s integration.
Closing Thoughts from a Therapist
If you’ve been caught in a lifelong loop of striving and self-doubt, know this:
You were never meant to spend your life proving your worth. You were meant to live in connection. With yourself, with others, with the truth of who you are.
Sovereignty isn’t about control. It’s about permission. Permission to show up fully. Permission to define your life from the inside out. Permission to be wildly, unapologetically, tenderly you.
That version of you doesn’t have to earn her place. She already belongs.
