Am I Worthy? Here’s Why You Don’t Feel Good Enough in Work, Relationships and Life

A gentle guide for the self-aware overachiever who still feels like she’s not enough

I have a book on my bookshelf in my office titled, “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” To be honest, I’ve never read it. I started it once. I underlined a few sentences, but then I put it back on the shelf. Not because it didn’t resonate, but because it did.

That question has lingered in me for years. It’s a question I don’t always say out loud, but it lives in my body:

Am I enough, as I am?

In my therapy practice, I work with women who ask that question in a thousand different ways. They are thoughtful, insightful, high-achieving women. They’ve read the books. They’ve done the work. And still a part of them feels like worth is something they have to earn. Something fragile. Something always just a little out of reach.

This blog is for that part. The one that still wonders. The one that is so tired of proving.

Let’s return to the truth that got buried beneath survival: You are inherently worthy, and you always have been.

Part One: How We Learn to Forget Our Worth

No one is born believing they have to earn love. Babies don’t “deserve” care, they receive it. They cry, take up space, and ask loudly for what they need. But as we grow up, many of us learn (often subtly, and without malice) that love, belonging, and safety are conditional.

Maybe:

• You were praised for being independent or “easy.”

• You learned to suppress big emotions to keep the peace.

• You were only seen when you achieved or performed.

• You were taught that rest is lazy, and busyness is moral.

Over time, these experiences create an unspoken belief: “I must earn my worth by being useful, likable, impressive, low-maintenance.”

This isn’t a character flaw. It’s a brilliant adaptation! A strategy your nervous system developed to stay connected and protected. But what once kept you safe is now keeping you stuck.

Part Two: Internalized Capitalism and the Productivity Trap

Let’s name one of the biggest cultural forces shaping our sense of worth: internalized capitalism. In a society that idolizes productivity, your value becomes synonymous with output.

You start to believe:

• “If I’m not doing something productive, I’m wasting time.”

• “If I rest, I’m falling behind.”

• “My success defines my value.”

This shows up everywhere:
Praising hustle while dismissing rest.
Equating busyness with goodness.
Linking self-worth to how much you get done.

As therapist and author Tricia Hersey (founder of The Nap Ministry) writes:

“Rest is a form of resistance because it disrupts and pushes back against capitalism and white supremacy.”

Resting, slowing down, and choosing presence over productivity are not lazy. They’re radical acts of self-worth.

Part Three: What Inherent Worth Actually Means

Inherent worth means:

• You don’t have to earn your place in the world.

• You don’t have to prove you're enough.

• You are lovable and deserving simply because you are.

Not because you’re healing “right.” Not because you’re doing everything perfectly. Not because you’re always regulated or present or wise. But because you are human.

As Dr. Kristin Neff, pioneer in the field of self-compassion (and one of my favorite people to learn from!) puts it:

“Love, connection, and acceptance are your birthright.”

You don’t have to become someone else to be worthy. You just have to come home to who you’ve always been.

Part Four: Somatic Practices to Reclaim Worth

Knowing you’re worthy is one thing. Feeling it in your body? That’s another. I hear clients say this all the time. “I know I’m doing enough logically, but I still don’t feel like I’m doing enough.”

Here are some gentle, somatic practices I use with clients to help them experience worthiness, rather than just intellectualizing it.

1. Grounding Touch + Self-Compassion Statement

Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly.
Breathe slowly. Say to yourself:

“I am allowed to take up space. I don’t have to earn rest. I am enough as I am.”

Let the words land. If resistance comes up, that’s okay. You’re rewiring deeply rooted patterns.

2. Movement That Says “I Matter”

Try this: Stand tall. Roll your shoulders back. Take up more space. Move in a way that feels bold — stretch, shake, sway, or dance.

Notice the difference between shrinking and expanding. Worthiness often shows up as posture before it shows up as belief. Amy Cuddy has a great TED Talk about this.

3. “Just Because” Touchpoints

Pick one thing each day that you do just because you exist, not to be productive or good.

Examples:

• Light a candle before bed.

• Make tea or coffee with intention.

• Wear lip gloss you love, even if no one sees you.

The act of honoring your needs for no reason is healing.

Part Five: Relational Practices That Reinforce Worth

Worthiness doesn’t heal in isolation. We need safe relationships to reflect it back to us.

1. Let Someone See the Real You

Tell a friend how you’re really doing. Let yourself be witnessed without performing. Worthiness expands in the presence of safe others.

2. Practice Boundaries That Say “I Matter Too”

Start with small no’s. Cancel when you’re tired. Let a text go unanswered for now. Every time you say no to something misaligned, you’re saying yes to your inherent worth.

3. Ask for Help and Receive It Fully

Let someone carry the groceries. Hold space. Offer comfort. Notice if guilt creeps in, and gently remind yourself: Receiving is not a weakness. It’s a return to connection.

Part Six: Journaling Prompts for Reclaiming Your Worth

Grab a notebook. Breathe deeply. Write freely, without judgment. Let your answers surprise you.

1. What messages did I receive about my worth growing up?
2. When do I feel most “enough”? Who am I with? What am I doing (or not doing)?
3. What would I do differently today if I knew I didn’t have to earn love?
4. If I could speak to the younger version of me who first felt unworthy, what would I say to her?
5. What’s one thing I can do this week just because I matter?

Part Seven: Final Words and an Invitation

You have never been broken or unworthy. You were shaped by systems, families, and stories that told you otherwise, and you adapted with so much wisdom. But now, you’re allowed to come home to yourself and to stop proving, to start receiving, and to soften into your belonging.

As therapist and author Dr. Thema Bryant says:

“You can’t heal in the same place you were pretending to be okay.”

So let’s stop pretending and performing. Let’s start reclaiming what was always ours.

Need Support?

If you’re craving a space where your worth doesn’t depend on performance, I’d love to support you. You’re allowed to take up space here. In therapy, we can explore the nervous system responses, relational dynamics, and protective strategies that have shaped your sense of self, and help you build something more honest, spacious, and self-compassionate.